posted on 03.08.09
Yo gurl, do you think you can get that situation longways and instead of a sandwich make it be my penis, because YOU ARE SO FUCKING CUTE WHEN YOU ARE EATING THAT THING I LIKE, OH DDAAAAAAAYYYYYUUUUUMMMM.
Srsly bay-b… SO CUTE.
posted on 18.06.09
In the latest installation of “My Fruit is Too Big”: my banana. No, that’s not just my tiny hand making it look big.
And since you can’t really get a feel for how huge it is (HA), I measured it. It’s ten and a half inches.
Uh… I hate to say this, Jen… But that’s a big “oh fuck you, cute girl eating things I like!” Seriously - look at that big ol’ Nanner. That could be like 5 banana splits or a smoothie or something - but somehow you’re making it sexy by measuring it and biting your lip? Oh fuck you, cute girl eating things I like! Sheesh. Can’t a banana just ever be a banana?
posted on 04.06.09
HEY! buongiorno!?! WTF do you think you’re doing? Don’t you know how much I like Kitty Cats? Well, fuck you cute girl eating things I like - you can’t eat a kitty cat! At least not without cooking it first…
posted on 01.06.09
Baby… I’m sorry to say this - but that is fake chinese food. You know, the fast foodery type that is commonplace in foodcourts and strip-malls all over this great land? Yeah, that’s what you’re eating. You know you’re cute, and you know I like that shit, hunny - so why the fuck aren’t you sharing it with me? Don’t you know how much it hurts me to have to say “fuck you, cute girl!” every time you take a bite of that lackluster lo-mein that taunts my tastebuds? It’s the true-iest. Seriously, sweet thang… Fuck you, gimme some bites.
posted on 25.05.09
I have been struck by the Summer Cold From Hell, in which my throat feels like I swallowed a couple razor blades and a fistful of sand, and all I want is a Spiderman popsicle (or someone to make me tea, watch a movie with me, and rub my back).
This picture is about 2 years old. It feels like a decade ago.
Oh, are you even serious cute girl? You’re going to come at me and tell me that you have a cold and describe how awful it is and how you want someone to come watch a movie and touch you? Well fuck you cute girl, you’re eating something I like - it’s a spidey iced cream confection with gumball eyes. You know I like that thing and you know I would totally hang out coz you’re sick. You just gotta stop makin’ me crazy, girl.
posted on 24.05.09
Oh really? Was it smart to post something that would make me say OH FUCK YOU CUTE GIRL EATING THINGS I LIKE!!! or was it not? I wonder if they actually use “white cheddar” to make smartfood or if they just use cheddar flavor and put it in white powder (cocaine) and sprinkle it on there… The fact remains here, I’m not anti-hungry and i’m all frisky now from cuteness/foodstuffs and blergity blerg blerg shit…
posted on 21.05.09
Ahem… I don’t mean to be rude here, cute girl… But is that a SEVEN LAYER CRUNCH WRAP FROM TACO BELL? Are you fucking kidding me? I mean, who can blame me for being on fire with lust, envy and rage - looking at you looking at the hearty beans, warm nacho cheese sauce, zesty red sauce, crispy red tortilla strips, cool sour cream, chunky guacamole and fresh tomatoes wrapped in a large flour tortilla which have recently been grilled on that smooth and hot Taco Bell griddle… Damn baby-girl, you sure do fuck me up.
posted on 20.05.09
Oh hell, what the fuck do you think you’re doing cute girl? Are you seriously eating something that I like while being covered in something that I like? Oh fuck you! You know that’s not the way you’re supposed to do it, but you’re doing it just to make me be all “delicious!” Dammit cute girl, now I need to brush my teeth - that’s too god damn sweet.
posted on 20.05.09
OMFG - Cute girl, wtf do you think you’re doing? That’s a frozen representation of SPIDERMAN! How are you going to be all Mary Jane about it if you devour your man? That’s total Praying Mantis style.
Oh shit… are those gumball eyeballs? Dayum… You are SO TOTALLY eating something I like.
*edited this by changing the picture in question, because the cute girl I originally wrote this about “asked politely” to be removed because she “hates that picture.” Luckily there are enough spiderman ice cream munchin’ gals out there to fill in when need be.
posted on 20.05.09
Hey, do you hear that? Is that… the… the siren song of summer? The Ice Cream Cute Girl? No, that’s the obnoxious wail of a giant fuck you coming down the road.
Girl, you know how hot it is out here? I’m bakin’ like a toasted cheeser! And there you are, driving up in your little portable air conditioned purveyor of fine frozen sweets when girl, you know I only carry Amex and no cash. Fuck you, and the ice cream truck you rode in on.
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